in suffering

“In suffering, exasperation may get the better of us, but it is important to keep silent by remaining in the presence of God.” Thought 338.

Sarah, Robert Cardinal with Nicolas Diat. The Power of Silence Against the Dictatorship of Noise. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2017, p. 175.

the false self

"Our basic style is often built around the things that were reinforced for us as children. It usually starts with things that we do well. …

"The problem is not that we do certain things well and have competencies and qualities that make us special. The problem lies in the inordinate investment that we place in this image and way of being.

"At the core of the false self is a desire to preserve an image of our self and a way of relating to the world. This is our personal style–how we think of ourselves and how we want others to see us and think of us. … Typically the trait that we prize is in fact part of who we are. But the truth always is that this trait is simply one among many. We live a lie when we make it the sum of our being.

“Our false self is built on an inordinate attachment to an image of our self that we think makes us special. The problem is the attachment, not having qualities that make us unique. Richard Rohr suggests that the basic question we must ask is whether we are prepared to be other than our image of our self. If not, we will live in bondage to our false self.”

Benner, David G. The Gift of Being Yourself. Expanded ed. Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Books, 2015, p. 70.

vitally important

“One vitally important aspect of solitude is its intimate dependence on chastity. The virtue of chastity is not the complete renunciation of all sex, but simply the right use of sex.”

Merton, Thomas. New Seeds of Contemplation. Introduction by Sue Monk Kidd. New York: New Directions Books, 2007, ©1961, p. 87.

from true self to vocation

"The discovery of our true self does not simply produce freedom. It also generates vocation. …

"First, we are called to be human beings. … (p. 87)

"A second level of calling is to be Christians. …

“But we can also think of our calling in terms of our mission in the world, the way of living out our uniqueness within the more general call to become fully human as we follow Jesus toward union with God. Gordon Smith notes that–much bigger than a career, job or occupation–our unique calling will be based on our gifts and abilities, will grow out of our deepest desires, and will always involve some response to the needs of the world.” (p. 88)

Benner, David G. The Gift of Being Yourself. Expanded ed. Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Books, 2015.


The true self is not your vocation, not your life’s purpose. But knowing your true self can reveal your vocation. That’s where your unique mixture of gifts and interests in your unique place and time blossom and bear fruit. Finding the vocation starts with recognizing your core identity as a loved and redeemed child of God.

God’s schedule

“As we have taught so often, we should not tempt God, that is, we should not determine the when and where and why, or the ways and means and manner in which God should answer our prayer. Rather, we must in all humility bring our petition before him who will certainly do the right thing in accordance with his unsearchable and divine wisdom. But by no means doubt that God hears our prayer, even if it may appear that he does not do so.”

Luther, Martin. “Appeal for Prayer Against the Turks” (1541) Luther’s Works Vol. 43. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1969, pages 230-231.


God answers our prayers on God’s own schedule. Not ours. And in God’s own way, not ours. Our schedule for praying should be ‘without ceasing.’ And our way of praying should be believing that God hears us.

enneagram and core sin

"The assumption behind the Enneagram is that underlying every thing we do is one major temptation that is particular to us. And until we see it for what it is, we will inevitably give in to this temptation and live in bondage to it.

"The core sins identified by the Enneagram are each associated with a core need. The needs are basic human needs, such as a need for love, for security or for perfection. The sin consists in making these something of ultimate value–that is, making them into God.

“Fives need knowledge, long for fulfillment, and are tempted by greed, stinginess and critical detachment. Thomas, the so-called doubting disciple, fits this pattern.”

Benner, David G. The Gift of Being Yourself. Expanded ed. Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Books, 2015, p. 64.


I/we need to remember that the value of tools like the Enneagram is not that it describes our strong points or valuable assets, but that it points out our weaknesses, our core sin. In this tool the core sin is connected with a need I have (because of my upbringing or whatever). What’s sinful is when I turn that need into something more important to myself than God is. The need – in my case, a need for knowledge – is fine, okay, good, even admirable when met; but it has to be unbent. The need isn’t more important than my relationship with God. Meeting that need can be done in ways that honor the relationship with God or dishonor it. Our choice.

(I also remember one of my Easter season sermons in which I called “Doubting Thomas” the patron saint of scientists and other researchers. He was not so much a doubter. He was just, you could say, using his God-given intellect to gather evidence and then once he had it, he was convinced.)

silence and surviving suffering

“In fact, silence can make it possible to survive in the most precarious situations. Tortures, ill treatment, and torments, however diabolical they may be, will start to be calmed by a silence that is directed toward God. In a mysterious but real way, he supports us by suffering with us. He is inseparably united to man in all his tribulations; it is one thing to rebel against God because he remained silent during our sufferings; it is another thing to entrust our suffering to him in silence, to offer it to him so that he might transform it into an instrument of salvation by associating it with Christ’s suffering.”

Sarah, Robert Cardinal with Nicolas Diat. The Power of Silence Against the Dictatorship of Noise. With an Afterword by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. Translated by Michael J. Miller. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2017. Thought 318. p. 166.

a hermit’s dark night

“The solitary easily plunges to a cavern of darkness and of phantoms more horrible and more absurd than the most inane set of conventional social images. The suffering he must then face is neither salutary nor noble. It is catastrophic.”

Merton, Thomas. “Notes for a ‘Philosophy of Solitude’.” (1960) in Selected Essays. Edited with an introduction by Patrick F. O’Connell. Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2013, p. 72.

the true self and contemplation

“Aligning contemplative practices with this self-awareness brings about incredible personal liberation. Taking time to pause and create a spirituality marked by solitude, silence, and stillness reminds us who we truly are, in the best sense of our True Self.”

Heuertz, Christopher L. The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Zondervan, 2017, p. 181.


When I first copied this note, I titled it “freedom in and from contemplation.” I don’t know now whether I meant ‘from’ as in ‘as a result of’ or as in ‘that protects us against.’ Maybe both senses of ‘from’ work. I mean, we don’t want to just pile on another legalism that demands we do contemplative practice this way or not at all. Where would the Gospel be in that?

the fullness of silence

"At first the quiet may feel like just another place of emptiness. We may even feel a sense of dread or fear that we are going to be judged or punished for parts of ourselves we have now brought into the light of day.

“But if we stay in this moment, eventually – like Elijah – we begin to notice that this silence is qualitatively different from the emptiness we experienced before. The silence that comes after the chaos is pregnant with the presence of God.”

Barton, Ruth Haley. Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God’s Transforming Presence. Downers Grove, Ill.: InterVarsity Press, 2004, p. 110.