"Our basic style is often built around the things that were reinforced for us as children. It usually starts with things that we do well. …

"The problem is not that we do certain things well and have competencies and qualities that make us special. The problem lies in the inordinate investment that we place in this image and way of being.

"At the core of the false self is a desire to preserve an image of our self and a way of relating to the world. This is our personal style–how we think of ourselves and how we want others to see us and think of us. … Typically the trait that we prize is in fact part of who we are. But the truth always is that this trait is simply one among many. We live a lie when we make it the sum of our being.

“Our false self is built on an inordinate attachment to an image of our self that we think makes us special. The problem is the attachment, not having qualities that make us unique. Richard Rohr suggests that the basic question we must ask is whether we are prepared to be other than our image of our self. If not, we will live in bondage to our false self.”

Benner, David G. The Gift of Being Yourself. Expanded ed. Downers Grove, Ill: IVP Books, 2015, p. 70.